Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor

[jayadev]

1 admi public toilet me betha tha achanak usay sath wale toilet se awaz aai..

Kya haal hai?

Admi ghabra kr bola:Theek hun..!!

Phir awaz aai
Kya kr rahy ho?

Admi:betha hun

Phr awaz aai
Main aa jaun?

Admi aur ghabra k bola:Nhi nhi main busy hun...!!

Phr awaz aai....

Acha yaar main tumhain baad me call karta hun
Abhi koi ullu ka patha sath wale toilet se meri har baat ka jawab day raha hai...!!

 

[type-r]

Ek Ladaki Ki ko 5 Crore Ki Lottery Lagi..

Company ne socha achanak bataya to ladki Khushi se mar sakti hai..

company ne pappu ko ye kaam diya

Ke aise batao Ke wo khushhi se mar na jaye..

Pappu ne jake us ladki ko bola:

"Farz karo aap Ka 5 crore ka inaam nikal aaye to aap kya krogi?"

Ladaki : Aap Ke samne dance krongi,

Shaadi Kar longi..

Yehi Nahin..

Aadha Inaam Bhi De dungi... !!

Ye sun kar Sala Pappu Hi Khushi Se Mar Gaya..! ! :-D

 

[zengetz]

Haha nice one Archit

 

[autosafari]

Read this joke 10 years ago and after seeing Vibhor's post, thought of putting the full version.

Sometime ago in a press conference, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If Car companies had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, GM issued a press release next day stating: "If General Motors had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2.Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3.Occasionally your car would stop on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason, you would simply accept this.

4.Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5.Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6.The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

7.The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8.Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9.Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10.You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

11.GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of road maps from Rand-McNally (a subsidiary of GM), even though they neither need them nor want them. Trying to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50 per cent or more.

 

[jayadev]

What about an airbag in case computer crashes..

 

[mastersquall]

nice one but need to change monitor after every crash

 

[type-r]

Laughter is good for your Health & Life !!!!




Imported jokes from Malaysia, so don't blame me. hahaha



AH BENG....So Funny !!!

................................

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310.
Now it is 6610'

===========================

Ah Beng : I am proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

============================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

==============================

Ah Beng : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die, will u remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

==============================

Ah Beng : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

=============================

Ah Beng complained to the police:

'Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

==============================

Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for complement.'

============================

How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

============================

Once Ah Beng was walking, he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so.
He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

============================

Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings.
He picks it up and Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

============================

Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

============================

Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense.
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'.

============================

Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

============================

A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the

evening and not in the morning.
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM....

 

[350Z]

Good one. That's a light humor. You made my day.

Drive Safe,
350Z

 

[jayadev]

Type-r.
Nice ones.

Unfortunately..very unfortunately.(not to offend anybody here)

These were best of our very own Sardarji jokes, now getting popular in foreign lands.

It is so unfortunate that our own good things were never liked in our country at first place.

 

[jayadev]

Petrol...petrol

 

[type-r]

Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice.

Son: No

Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.

Son: Then ok

Dad goes 2 Bill Gates

Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son.

Bill Gates: No

Dad: My son is d CEO of the World Bank.

Bill Gates: Then ok

Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank..

Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of ur bank.

President:No!

Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates.

President:Then ok!

This is BUSINESS..

;)

=======================================
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood. :P

 

[350Z]

Good one. Here is another - It is not a joke though but a true incident.

An Indian man walks into the New York City bank and asks for the loan officer. He tells the Loan Officer that he was going to India for some business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The Loan Officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan. So the Indian man hands over the keys and the documents of the new Ferrari car parked on the street in front of the bank.

The loan officer consults the president of the bank, Produces all the required items and everything check out to be OK. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as a security for the loan. The bank president and the Loan Officer had a good laugh at the Indian for keeping a $750,000 Ferrari as a security and taking only $5,000 has a loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the banks underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later the Indian returns and pays $5000 and the interest which comes to it $15.41. Seeing this, loan officer says,

“Sir, we are very happy to have your business. And this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you are away, we checked you out and found out that you were a multi millionaire. What puzzled us was why would you bother to borrow $5000?”

The Indian replies: “Where else in the New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks and
For only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return”. This is a true incident and the Indian is none other than Vijay Mallya.

Drive Safe,
350Z

 

[TheLibran]

Re: The Jokes Thread

Rajnikant fever back again..

Awesome man

 

[jayadev]

Those who are still confused about ABS.

 

[truecitylover]

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?
Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious Firm for over ten years.
Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.
Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?
Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir!

Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?
Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company And the Mortgage Company!