Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor

[nmm mithra]

A genius husband gave the keys of his new car to his wife with a warning:
"Darling! If you meet with an accident, the newspaper will print your age...so drive carefully.

This is the best way of saying/teaching a women towards her driving so that all ladies follow traffic rules and drive more properly than men on road.

And we would not fear that women may jump into our lane.

 

[Tornado]

Hubby :where the heck you were since 4 hours?

Wife : I had gone to the mall for shopping.

Hubby : What did you bring them?

Wife : One hairband & 30 to 40 selfies.

 

[GrandRk]

Pedru was driving down the Panjim street in a Swift Dzire as he was going to attend an important meeting, but he was unable to find parking place.
Looking up to the heaven he said "Lord !! Take pity on me. If you find me a parking place i will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and also would give up my Whiskey forever. I will also give up Gambling too !!"

Miraculously, a parking space appeared.

Pedru looked up again and said, "Never mind, i found one! Sorry i bothered you !!"

Wife (Excitedly) : I am just coming from beauty parlor, how do i look honey ?
Husband (Calmly) : Was the beauty parlor closed or what?

 

[Auto_Pilot]

Wife (Excitedly) : I am just coming from beauty parlor, how do i look honey ?
Husband (Calmly) : Was the beauty parlor closed or what?

This joke was posted by someone few days ago.

Its a joke, all right. In real life, no one dares to ask this question from her.

 

[furious_driver]

So, this happened to my cousin :

His wife used to go to parlor very often and stop her from visiting, he did this.

He told his wife she looked better without makeup. And he is regretting the decision ever after that. Cause now she is completely devoid of all makeups, she looks horrible. Now he understands why she has to go to parlor very often!!! Man, I stopped visiting his home.

 

[TSIVipul]

^^On a serious note; romancing with make up heavy women is really horrible!! I just can't bear such a character in bed who looks like the face has been installed separately on the body; I hope some will understand my plight.

 

[JohnyBoy]

Wife (Excitedly) : I am just coming from beauty parlor, how do i look honey ?
Husband (Calmly) : Was the beauty parlor closed or what?

... and saturday is his funeral.

 

[Tornado]

A friend's FB status:

"Today, my another password got married " !!

 

[acechip]

^^For those who haven't understood the above joke, the keyword is 'it' in the second line said by the boy and it is a good one.

Thanks for the clarification. I really had to read it a couple of times.

 

[Tornado]

Hmm... It was the bread which is responsible for the dreaded diseases. And people use to blame tobacco, alcohol for it.


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Quote on a Married man's T Shirt
.
.
*_"I Married My Wife For Her Looks...But Not The Ones She Is Giving Me Lately"_*

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Pune special :

A notice written outside a beauty parlour -

"Do not whistle looking at the beautiful girls going out from our door, she might be your mom "!!

 

[Tornado]

One person enters police station with a bleeding wound on his head.

Policeman : What happened?

Man : my wife beaten up me.

Policeman : Why.?

Man : Her parents had come to our home, so she called up me and asked me to bring something for them while coming back to home from office.

Policeman : then?


Man : I brought a cab.

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We lighten up two types of incense sticks at home.
1) To call God to our home
2) To expel mosquitoes from our home.

But. the result is always opposite.
.
..
1) God does not come.
2)Mosquitoes don't go.

 

[GrandRk]

Question : Which is your favorite fictional character?
.
.
Answer : Girlfriend !!

 

[Tornado]

Son fails in the prelim test .


Father (frustrated) : Don't call me 'Dad' henceforth.

Son : Come on dad, it was just a prelim test, not a DNA test.

 

[Tornado]

A manager cracks a joke. Everyone laughs in the team except one guy.
Manager asks, "din't you understood the joke" ?

He simply replied, " I resigned yesterday."

 

[GrandRk]

A manager cracks a joke. Everyone laughs in the team except one guy.
Manager asks, "din't you understood the joke" ?

He simply replied, " I resigned yesterday."

This is how the managers work. They don't know who in team has resigned.
Similarly, they also forget who has asked for salary fitment