Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor

[Tornado]

Patient : doc please advise me something so that I can live long.

Doc : get married.

Patient :How marriage will help?

Doc : Marriage has two effect.
1)Desire for long life gets vanished.
2)Remaing life also seems too lengthy.

 

[Tornado]

Man : Guruji, why am not getting married?

Astrologer : how the heck you will? I read your horoscope, happiness, happiness, happiness & only happiness is written everywhere.

 

[Tornado]

Husband :Now, helmet compulsory for for pillion rider rule has been applied in bangalore.

Wife :Next weekend, we have to buy helmets matching for all my dresses.
.
.
.


Husband sold his bike.

 

[Auto_Pilot]

Husband :Now, helmet compulsory for for pillion rider rule has been applied in bangalore.

Wife :Next weekend, we have to buy helmets matching for all my dresses.
.
.
.


Husband sold his bike.

Ha ha ha. Nice one. It was bound to happen as every good thing comes at a price.

 

[shrid]

Husband :Now, helmet compulsory for for pillion rider rule has been applied in bangalore.

Wife :Next weekend, we have to buy helmets matching for all my dresses.
.
.
.


Husband sold his bike.

... to get the money for the helmets. Why? Because he was an engineer.


offence

 

[Tornado]

That neighbour's wife is not lesser than a terrorist who buys a new Saree and directly comes to your home to show it your wife.

 

[shrid]

The "Save Rs. 50 lac in 3 easy steps" ads aren't a scam. Here are the three steps:

1. Go and check out a house worth ~50 lac. Decide to buy it.
2. Get the money from the bank.
3. Change your mind. Don't buy it.

Yes, you just saved 50 lac in 3 easy steps.

 

[Auto_Pilot]

Patni : Samne wale ghar main pati patni kab se lad rahe hain, aap ek bar jaiye na....!

Pati : Main ek do bar gaya tha usi ki ladai hain.

English Version:

Wife : Our married neighbours are fighting since too long. Please go there once.

Hubby : Oh I went there once or twice and that's why they are fighting.

 

[Tornado]

@AP, lolz..Height of courage ,it was.
Now one more.


Wife :I had been to beauty parlour, how am I looking?

Hubby : was it closed?

 

[Tornado]

This is brand new...
After Rajnikanth, Alok nath & Alia bhatt, it's time for Arnab Goswami series.....


After creating this complex world, GOD was worried, who will decide what is RIGHT and what is WRONG ?
So he created ARNAB GOSWAMI.


Arnab Goswami might probably be the only guy in this world to fight with his wife & win



If we could place a mini turbine inside Arnab Goswami's throat, the resultant electricity can power the entire Times group building.


Arnab Goswami is inversly proportional to Manmohan Singh


If you find Arnab Goswami's pic with his mouth closed, then that camera has a very good shutter speed.


Arnab Goswami is fluent in English & weak in grammar becoz he does not use full stop or comma.


From the moon you can see the great wall of china and hear Arnab Goswami shouting "The nation wants to know".


Proposed airport near Times Now studio cancelled as noise from newshour could weaken the structure and intercept signals.


When Arnab Goswami says "I will speak now" , everyone looks puzzled , wondering who was speaking till now


Whats the similarity between Arnab Goswami & google?
Both interrupt you before you complete the sentence.


"Arnab Goswami's son seems to have tattooed on his hand 'Mera baap Shor hai'..

 

[Tornado]

For all the tired mom,
Stress during exams of the kids..

A Mom went to a Restaurant,
She wanted to see the menu card.
But she forgot what it Is called;

She asked the waiter,
"show me the syllabus ".

 

[Tornado]

Pune special.(at 2AM on phone)

Patient :Doc, I have a strange disease, I am suffering from sleeplessness.

Doc :Then why are you spreading the disease to others, let me sleep at least.

 

[nmm mithra]

Two friends go to a hotel.

1: which is the first one to come to the world, whether it is the egg or the chicken?
2: You order both these items to the waiter and then lets see which comes first.

 

[shrid]

Three rings in a man's life (in chronological order):
1. Engagement ring
2. Wedding ring
3. Suffering

 

[GrandRk]

Found this on Whatsapp

Bengaluru special

1. If you throw a stone randomly in Bangalore, chances are, it will hit a dog or a software engineer. While the dog may or may not have a strap around his neck, the software engineer will definitely have one.

2. In India we drive on the left of the road. In Bangalore, we drive on whatever is left of the road.

3. Q: What is the easiest way of causing traffic accidents in Bangalore?
A: Follow the traffic rules.

4. A guy is house hunting in Bangalore. Meets old lady who is potential landlord. The conversation goes like this:

Old lady: Where do you work, son?
Guy (with an air of pompousness): I work in Infosys.
Old lady: Oh, that bus company! Sorry, we rent only to good IT people.

It appears that Infosys operates more buses than BMTC in Bangalore.

5. Bangalore, where PG (Paying Guest) is the first business and IT, the second.

6. When someone says it is raining in Bangalore, be sure to ask them which area, which lane and which road

7. If Bangalorean stops at a traffic light, others behind him stop too because they conclude that he has spotted a policeman that they themselves have not.

8. Bangalore is the only city where distance is measured in units of time.

9. Auto rickshaw driver, grocery seller and common shop keeper thinks that you earn at least one lakh per month if you are in IT sector.

10. Out of every 100 software engineers in Bangalore, 90 are utterly frustrated and rest have a girlfriend / boyfriend

11. Bus drivers use horn instead of the brakes.

12. I quote: "Bangalore: The City where more people know Java than Kannada".

13. Universal answer in Bangalore is "Adjust maadi"

14. Power cuts are the only time the whole family assembles together and members speak to each other. Seeing this, BESCOM has decided to have tagline called "Connecting People by Disconnecting Power"