Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor
- Thread Starter Auto Hub India
- Start date
Girl to her boyfriend :
My shona
My baby
My gucho
My golu-molu
My bacha
My beta
Will u marry me????
Boyfriend: Abbe propose kar rhi hai ya Adopt??![[lol]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Laugh.gif "Laugh [lol]")
My shona
My baby
My gucho
My golu-molu
My bacha
My beta
Will u marry me????
Boyfriend: Abbe propose kar rhi hai ya Adopt??
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the Kitchen, "Careful... Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
"Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
"They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
Suddenly her husband burst into the Kitchen, "Careful... Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY!
"Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
"They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him, "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving"
Sorry No Offence!!
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!
She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s
"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.
Last edited:
Found Some where in Net:
A letter has been sent from a husband:
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.
Your Sweet Heart.
A letter has been sent from a husband:
Dear Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, your husband.
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him some other items.
5. Other expenses 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope that I can complete the month using this balance.
Shall I plan same way for next months, please advise.
Your Sweet Heart.
Life Beyond Challenges.. Must Read, especially Girls :)
A reply from Mukesh Ambani (Reliance Group) to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.
I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with 100 crore annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary 2 crore is considered only as middle class now days..
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of 100 crore annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is 50 crore annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), 50 crore annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pooja i Chohan.
A philosophical reply from Mukesh Ambani-
Dear Ms. Pooja,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than 100 crore, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over 100 crore annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with 100 crore annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps.
signed,
Mukesh Ambani
A reply from Mukesh Ambani (Reliance Group) to a pretty girl seeking a rich husband
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here.
I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with 100 crore annual salary or above.
You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary 2 crore is considered only as middle class now days..
My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of 100 crore annual salary? Are you all married?
I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you?
Among those I've dated, the richest is 50 crore annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit.
If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden(?), 50 crore annual income is not enough.
I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches are only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pooja i Chohan.
A philosophical reply from Mukesh Ambani-
Dear Ms. Pooja,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyse your situation as a professional investor.
My annual income is more than 100 crore, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.
From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain.
Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money" : Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square.
However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year.
Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worse 10 years later.
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position".
If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased".
Anyone with over 100 crore annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with 100 crore annual income.This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps.
signed,
Mukesh Ambani
PETROL JOKES-
Petrol Pump Attendant : kitne ka daaloon??
Me: 2-4 rupye ka gadi ke upar spray kar de bhai. Aag lagani hai.
Sony's show "Crime Patrol" is soon to change its name to..
"Crime Diesel"
Kal Subah Subah Bank Ja ke line me lagna padega!!
Petrol Bharvaane k liye loan chahiye!!
Breaking News : Another Rave party was busted by Mumbai Police, many rich people were caught sniffing petrol!!!
Petrol price hiked by 7.50 per litre.
Aur karo Santa Banta ke jokes, Dekha sardaro ka revenge!
Petroleum Minister had a sip of thumbs Up and Said..
"Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte Hai"
1 litre petrol= 1 litre beer...
Jhumoo ya fir ghumoo d choice is yours...!!
one more one more
Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanboojh ke match haare.
Pata hai, jeetne waali team ko jo Volkswagen mil raha hai,
wo petrol wali hai..
Finally its gonna be a dream comes true for girls
Dreaming for a man to come on a white horse!
All thanks to the petrol price hike!
Petrol Pump Attendant : kitne ka daaloon??
Me: 2-4 rupye ka gadi ke upar spray kar de bhai. Aag lagani hai.
Sony's show "Crime Patrol" is soon to change its name to..
"Crime Diesel"
Kal Subah Subah Bank Ja ke line me lagna padega!!
Petrol Bharvaane k liye loan chahiye!!
Breaking News : Another Rave party was busted by Mumbai Police, many rich people were caught sniffing petrol!!!
Petrol price hiked by 7.50 per litre.
Aur karo Santa Banta ke jokes, Dekha sardaro ka revenge!
Petroleum Minister had a sip of thumbs Up and Said..
"Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte Hai"
1 litre petrol= 1 litre beer...
Jhumoo ya fir ghumoo d choice is yours...!!
one more one more
Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanboojh ke match haare.
Pata hai, jeetne waali team ko jo Volkswagen mil raha hai,
wo petrol wali hai..
Finally its gonna be a dream comes true for girls
Dreaming for a man to come on a white horse!
All thanks to the petrol price hike!
![[:)]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Smile.gif "Smile [:)]")
​If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates:
COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one's foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!
Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don't even remember"...
*
Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking":'(*
Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu.WTF!! "
Goat : "Friends, don't go out, Eid is coming soon"
Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC. Love you all..
--------------------------------------
Chotte is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
i) 116
ii) 75
iii) 100
iv) 159
Chotte says "I will skip this" :P
2) In which country are the Panama hats made..??
i) England
ii) France
iii) Panama
iv) Ecuador
Chotte asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
i) March
ii) October
iii) February
iv) November
Chotte asks for help from Audience Poll
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
i) Elder
ii) Albert
iii) Manuel
iv) George
Chotte asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
i) Puppy
ii) Lion
iii) Canary bird
iv) Cat
Chotte gives up :D :D
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
If you think you are indeed clever and laughed at Chotte's replies, then please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453.
2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador.
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November.
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the
puppies.
Moral: Badnaam na karo yaar Chotte ko :P :D Chotte Rocks \m/
COCKROACH: "Managed to skip from some one's foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle!
Cat: "My 7th child is asking who is her dad. What shall I tell her??, I don't even remember"...
*
Mosquito: "I am HIV positive.. this is all due to wrong sucking":'(*
Pig: "Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu.WTF!! "
Goat : "Friends, don't go out, Eid is coming soon"
Chicken: "If tomorrow there's no status update from my side, means I'm being served at KFC. Love you all..
--------------------------------------
Chotte is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
i) 116
ii) 75
iii) 100
iv) 159
Chotte says "I will skip this" :P
2) In which country are the Panama hats made..??
i) England
ii) France
iii) Panama
iv) Ecuador
Chotte asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
i) March
ii) October
iii) February
iv) November
Chotte asks for help from Audience Poll
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
i) Elder
ii) Albert
iii) Manuel
iv) George
Chotte asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
i) Puppy
ii) Lion
iii) Canary bird
iv) Cat
Chotte gives up :D :D
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
..
If you think you are indeed clever and laughed at Chotte's replies, then please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453.
2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador.
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November.
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the
puppies.
Moral: Badnaam na karo yaar Chotte ko :P :D Chotte Rocks \m/
If you feel overloaded with WORK??
Immediately go to the nearest 'Biological Anxiety Relief' center to take antidotes known as:-
Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association..
HAVE YOU GUYS GOT THE JOKE?(If not then join the bold characters in every line to get the words)![[evil]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Evil.gif "Evil [evil]")
Immediately go to the nearest 'Biological Anxiety Relief' center to take antidotes known as:-
- Work Isolation Neutralizer Extract.
- Radioactive UnWORK Medicine.
- Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter.
- Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen.
Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association..
HAVE YOU GUYS GOT THE JOKE?(If not then join the bold characters in every line to get the words)
A wife treats Hubby by taking him to a lap dance club for his birthday.
At the Club: Doorman Says: Hi JIM how are you?
Wife asks: How does he know you?
JIM: Oh dear, i play football with him
Inside Bartender says: The usual jim?
Jim says to wife: Before you say anything, he's on the Darts team in my local
Next a lap Dancer says: Hi JIM, Do you crave special again?
The wife storms out dragging JIM with her and jumps into the taxi..
Driver Says: "Hey Jimmy boy, you picked up an ugly one this time.."
JIM's Funeral is on Sunday![[;)]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Wink.gif "Wink [;)]")
At the Club: Doorman Says: Hi JIM how are you?
Wife asks: How does he know you?
JIM: Oh dear, i play football with him
Inside Bartender says: The usual jim?
Jim says to wife: Before you say anything, he's on the Darts team in my local
Next a lap Dancer says: Hi JIM, Do you crave special again?
The wife storms out dragging JIM with her and jumps into the taxi..
Driver Says: "Hey Jimmy boy, you picked up an ugly one this time.."
JIM's Funeral is on Sunday
A wife treats Hubby by taking him to a lap dance club for his birthday.
At the Club: Doorman Says: Hi JIM how are you?
Wife asks: How does he know you?
JIM: Oh dear, i play football with him
Inside Bartender says: The usual jim?
Jim says to wife: Before you say anything, he's on the Darts team in my local
Next a lap Dancer says: Hi JIM, Do you crave special again?
The wife storms out dragging JIM with her and jumps into the taxi..
Driver Says: "Hey Jimmy boy, you picked up an ugly one this time.."
JIM's Funeral is on Sunday
At the Club: Doorman Says: Hi JIM how are you?
Wife asks: How does he know you?
JIM: Oh dear, i play football with him
Inside Bartender says: The usual jim?
Jim says to wife: Before you say anything, he's on the Darts team in my local
Next a lap Dancer says: Hi JIM, Do you crave special again?
The wife storms out dragging JIM with her and jumps into the taxi..
Driver Says: "Hey Jimmy boy, you picked up an ugly one this time.."
JIM's Funeral is on Sunday
Got something like this after long period. Thanks.