Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor
- Thread Starter Auto Hub India
- Start date
My Physics teacher told me that I had a lot of potential. Then he pushed me off the terrace.
Science, yo.
Science, yo.
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a guy had a 350cc bullet. he was not able to talk to his girl friend while riding on it because of the sound.
He got fed up and sold his bullet and bought a 100cc bike.
He got married to the same girl and 1year passed.
Now he is having a 500cc bullet.![[lol]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Laugh.gif "Laugh [lol]")
He got fed up and sold his bullet and bought a 100cc bike.
He got married to the same girl and 1year passed.
Now he is having a 500cc bullet.
a guy had a 350cc bullet. he was not able to talk to his girl friend while riding on it because of the sound.
He got fed up and sold his bullet and bought a 100cc bike.
He got married to the same girl and 1year passed.
Now he is having a 500cc bullet.
He got fed up and sold his bullet and bought a 100cc bike.
He got married to the same girl and 1year passed.
Now he is having a 500cc bullet.
A farmer was not feeling well. His wife comes & puts her hand on his forehead & says,
" OMG! You have got fever!, wait & lie down for sometime, I will bring Chicken soup for you ".
All of sudden,a hen in the nearby cage wakes up and says," Oh! Mam, why don't you try crocin first "?
BF & GF special Chat. :
GF : Today is my birthday.
BF : wow! Happy Birthday.
GF :I want a special gift of my choice from you.
BF : sure, what do you want?
GF :A ring.
BF : Ok, done, but reject the call, I have 'low balance', not recharged since long.
Blocked.
" OMG! You have got fever!, wait & lie down for sometime, I will bring Chicken soup for you ".
All of sudden,a hen in the nearby cage wakes up and says," Oh! Mam, why don't you try crocin first "?
BF & GF special Chat. :
GF : Today is my birthday.
BF : wow! Happy Birthday.
GF :I want a special gift of my choice from you.
BF : sure, what do you want?
GF :A ring.
BF : Ok, done, but reject the call, I have 'low balance', not recharged since long.
Blocked.
If your wife can drive then this is for you...
Confession of a WIFE!!
After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room, it wasn't there too.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is the car will be stolen.
Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.![[roll]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Roll.gif "Roll Eyes [roll]")
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, Description of the car, Place I parked etc, I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.![[anger]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Anger.gif "Anger [anger]")
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "Honey", I stammered (I always call him "honey" in times like these) "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice "Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"![[frustration]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Frustration.gif "Frustration [frustration]")
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, then pls come and get me."
He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."
Confession of a WIFE!!
After a meeting I was coming out of a hotel and I was looking for my car keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room, it wasn't there too.
Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. My husband has shouted many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.
My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. His theory is the car will be stolen.
Immediately I rushed to the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion.
His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, Description of the car, Place I parked etc, I equally confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband, "Honey", I stammered (I always call him "honey" in times like these) "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice "Idiot", he shouted, "I dropped you at the hotel !"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, then pls come and get me."
He shouted again, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."
Ha ha. Nice one Sar Ji. But don't let your wife read it otherwise no policeman can save you
I am single saarji and hence happy having a hearty laugh at our adventure sport (marriage) players.
An another one:
Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio?
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho??
For those who aren't very good in Hindi:
Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio? (That sounds like 'Kaisi ho' or 'How are you' )
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho?? (That means I am fine how are you?)
One more:
Awesome English by a non-english speaking Teacher:
1) There is no wind in the football.
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
3) You rotate the ground 4 times.
4) You go and understand the tree.
5) I'll give you clap on your cheeks.
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father.
7) Close the window air force is coming.
8) I have two daughters and both are girls.
9) Stand in a straight circle.
10) Don stand in front of my back
And the best one...
11) Why Haircut not cut...?
An another one:
Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio?
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho??
For those who aren't very good in Hindi:
Girl at a stationary store.
Girl: I want a calculator.
Shopkeeper: Casio? (That sounds like 'Kaisi ho' or 'How are you' )
Girl: Main thik hu aap kaise ho?? (That means I am fine how are you?)
One more:
Awesome English by a non-english speaking Teacher:
1) There is no wind in the football.
2) I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?
3) You rotate the ground 4 times.
4) You go and understand the tree.
5) I'll give you clap on your cheeks.
6) Bring your parents and your mother and especially your father.
7) Close the window air force is coming.
8) I have two daughters and both are girls.
9) Stand in a straight circle.
10) Don stand in front of my back
And the best one...
11) Why Haircut not cut...?
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Why is Santa Claus always a man?
Because...
No woman will wear the same dress year after year for same occasion.
Because...
No woman will wear the same dress year after year for same occasion.
Since 31st Dec is near... Self care cause n effect tips issued by a doc will be mighty useful....
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure : Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST.
1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward...
2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.
3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!
4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they're taking you!
5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself!
6. Symptom : Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.
7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure : Don't move. Let the professionals do their job
ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST.
Announcement in a school.
"Students who've parked their bicycles in front of the gate, Plz move their bicycles to the parking area !!"
After 30 mins another announcement: "The 200 students who went to move the 10 bicycles, plz come back to classes!"
SCHOOL LIFE AT ITS BEST.
"Students who've parked their bicycles in front of the gate, Plz move their bicycles to the parking area !!"
After 30 mins another announcement: "The 200 students who went to move the 10 bicycles, plz come back to classes!"
SCHOOL LIFE AT ITS BEST.
Sirji a real incident from my old bicycle days:
When in class IX we were bunking the school and had to get our bicycles outside the school.
There used to be a point behind the parking which was not visible to the guard sitting on the gate and had slightly lower height of the wall because of a small hump of mud and on the other side was a small ground which used to be deserted for most of the time, cantonment areas you know.
So 4 of us went on for bunking. We threw our bags outside, two of us jumped the wall (I was inside) and two were lifting the bicycles and giving them to the other two at the other side of the wall. Three cycles were transferred and we were all concentrated in cycle transfer that something hit our a$$ real hard from backside and when we turned it was the most dreadful moment of our life.
The principal was standing behind us and before we could say anything there was a sound from other side of the wall "B%^&@#$% kitni der karoge, jaldi Cycle do nahi toh ek quintal ki bori (nickname of principal) a jayegi" (How long will you take? Quickly give the cycle else the one quintal bag (principal) will catch us).
Principal said "Teeno cycle lekar gate se andar aao abhi dono (Both of you come inside through gate bringing all three cycles)".
What next:
Cycles inside and we were handed to the PT instructor who took us to his office. Had some gossip with us, asked us what the plan was, cracked 2-3 jokes and then pulled out two good sticks and phat phat phat phat till the time we got converted from men to monkeys (Not face wise but a$$ wise).
Story doesn't end here. We were asked to come back to school only after our parents accompany us.
I reach home and tell my mom to accompany me to school next day because there is some sort of parents meeting before we go for the sports meet (I used to play basketball). She felt that there is something fishy and called up my class teacher over phone.
What next:
Phone cut and phat phat phat phat. Now my face and a$$ both were the same color as of monkeys
Called up the friends to get a note of what they have been through and was relieved to know that it's not only me who is turned into a monkey. I was more happy to know that even my friends also got a good body massage and less sad over what had happened and what was going to follow next day.![[glasses]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Glasses.gif "Glasses [glasses]")
When in class IX we were bunking the school and had to get our bicycles outside the school.
There used to be a point behind the parking which was not visible to the guard sitting on the gate and had slightly lower height of the wall because of a small hump of mud and on the other side was a small ground which used to be deserted for most of the time, cantonment areas you know.
So 4 of us went on for bunking. We threw our bags outside, two of us jumped the wall (I was inside) and two were lifting the bicycles and giving them to the other two at the other side of the wall. Three cycles were transferred and we were all concentrated in cycle transfer that something hit our a$$ real hard from backside and when we turned it was the most dreadful moment of our life.
The principal was standing behind us and before we could say anything there was a sound from other side of the wall "B%^&@#$% kitni der karoge, jaldi Cycle do nahi toh ek quintal ki bori (nickname of principal) a jayegi" (How long will you take? Quickly give the cycle else the one quintal bag (principal) will catch us).
Principal said "Teeno cycle lekar gate se andar aao abhi dono (Both of you come inside through gate bringing all three cycles)".
What next:
Cycles inside and we were handed to the PT instructor who took us to his office. Had some gossip with us, asked us what the plan was, cracked 2-3 jokes and then pulled out two good sticks and phat phat phat phat till the time we got converted from men to monkeys (Not face wise but a$$ wise).
Story doesn't end here. We were asked to come back to school only after our parents accompany us.
I reach home and tell my mom to accompany me to school next day because there is some sort of parents meeting before we go for the sports meet (I used to play basketball). She felt that there is something fishy and called up my class teacher over phone.
What next:
Phone cut and phat phat phat phat. Now my face and a$$ both were the same color as of monkeys
Called up the friends to get a note of what they have been through and was relieved to know that it's not only me who is turned into a monkey. I was more happy to know that even my friends also got a good body massage and less sad over what had happened and what was going to follow next day.
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty seat in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her the seat is in economy. The blonde replies, "I'm young and beautiful, and have never had this problem before. I'm going to sit here all the way, until we get to New York." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the Captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again, the blonde replies, in exactly the same way.The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the Co-pilot. The Co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says "Thank you so much, now I understand". She hugs the Co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to New York."
A Funny Case Of Kiss And A Slap - must read it
A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...
The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark...
Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!
The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel...
The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed...
The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...
The Old Woman Is Thinking :
These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...
The Young Girl Is Thinking :
The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped...
The Manager Is Thinking :
Damn It... My Assistant Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It Was Me And Slapped Me...
Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...
.
.
Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking...
If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again...
The ******* Keeps Harassing Me In The Office...!!
A HR Manager, His Assistant, An Old Woman And Her Young Daughter Are Traveling In A Train And During The Course Of Time Get Themselves Introduced To Each Other And Become Temporary Friends...
The Train Goes Through A Tunnel And It Gets Completely Dark...
Suddenly There Is A Kissing Sound And Then A Slap !!!
The Train Comes Out Of The Tunnel...
The Women And The Assistant Are Sitting There Looking Perplexed...
The Manager Is Bending Over Holding His Face, Which Is Red From An Apparent Slap.
All Of Them Remain Diplomatic And Nobody Says Anything...
The Old Woman Is Thinking :
These Managers Are All Crazy After Girls. He Must Have Kissed My Daughter In The Tunnel. Very Proper That She Slapped Him...
The Young Girl Is Thinking :
The Manager Must Have Tried To Kiss Me But Kissed My Mother Instead And Got Slapped...
The Manager Is Thinking :
Damn It... My Assistant Must Have Kissed The Young Girl. She Might Have Thought It Was Me And Slapped Me...
Now Guess What The Assistant Is Thinking...
.
.
Now Hold Your Breath And Read What The Assistant Is Thinking...
If This Train Goes Through Another Tunnel I Will Make Another Kissing Sound And Slap My Manager Again...
The ******* Keeps Harassing Me In The Office...!!