Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor

[jayadev]

Tortoise,,, ROFL!
Second thing came in my mind was Indian cast reservation systems.

 

[sethumurugan]

A suicide bomber walks into a pet shop and shouts : "EVERYONE HAS EXACTLY ONE MINUTE TO GET OUT BEFORE I BLOW MYSELF OFF !!"

Tortoise: "What rubbish are you talking man!!

My god.. poor tortoise..

 

[Vishwas]

Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are traveling by train to a football match in London.
At the station, the three English each buy a ticket and watch as the three Irish buy just
one ticket among them.

...
trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the
return trip. To their astonishment, the Irish don't buy a ticket at all!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Englishman.

"Watch and learn," says one Paddy.

When they board the train, the three Irish cram into a toilet, and soon after, the
three English pile into another nearby.

The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks
across to the toilet where the English are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

Epic.

Tortoise,,, ROFL!
Second thing came in my mind was Indian cast reservation systems.

Very true.

 

[TSIVipul]

Husband ( calls up Hotel Manager from his
hotel room):"Please come fast!
I am having an argument with my wife and
she says she will jump off the window of
your hotel !!!"

MANAGER:Sir, I'm sorry but its your personal matter.

Husband:Nonsense..THIS WINDOW IS NOT OPENING!!
This is a maintenance matter!!!

 

[freakdude]

Awesome one Vipul. <rofl>

freakdude.

 

[sethumurugan]

Husband ( calls up Hotel Manager from his
hotel room):"Please come fast!
I am having an argument with my wife and
she says she will jump off the window of
your hotel !!!

MANAGER:Sir, I'm sorry but its your personal matter.

Husband:Nonsense..THIS WINDOW IS NOT OPENING!!
This is a maintenance matter!!!

Vipul superb.. Are you sure you are single still?

 

[jayadev]

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try thes techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of
trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a
time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save
time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take
her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.

 

[sethumurugan]

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try thes techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of
trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a
time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save
time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take
her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.

My god, jayadev, it is really good one. But it took some time for me to understand the last sentance

 

[allhyundaicars]

My god, jayadev, it is really good one. But it took some time for me to understand the last sentance

lol same here now reading it twice i understood

 

[auto_luver]

An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try thes techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of
trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a
time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save
time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take
her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven.

Moral of the story is : " Never stick your nose into others business or else...."

 

[S Class]

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

Difference between Love Marriage and Arranged Marriage.

In Love Marriage, you get to marry your own girlfriend
and
In Arranged Marriage, you get to marry someone else's girlfriend.

freakdude.

It is also like asking whether to hang yourself or shoot yourself !

People laugh at me because I am different,
And I laugh at them because they all are the same.

 

[jayadev]

TAI petrol head, is walking out of the front gate one night.
"Hello, sir," says the flower-seller. "Buy roses for your lovely wife?"
"I haven't got a wife," snaps Petrolhead, waving him away.
"Okay," says flower-seller, "roses for your girlfriend?"
"No," screams Petrolhead. "I haven't got a girlfriend either!"
"Okay," says flower-seller," then buy two bunches -- to celebrate your good luck!

 

[sethumurugan]

Moral of the story is : " Never stick your nose into others business or else...."

100% acceptable. It happend to me so many times

 

[TSIVipul]

Vipul superb.. Are you sure you are single still?

Thanks buddy.
I am sure I am single and I am very happy being one.No tension nothing,I go home when I want and there is no one to ask me where I am or where I spent the night.

Moral of the story is : " Never stick your nose into others business or else...."

It was half the more refined version of the moral is:
You can stick your nose in other's business and stand a chance or two to be safe but if you do it with your wife,then you are gone buddy...she won't give you any chance....

 

[Sam Dinkar]

A Sindhi goes to the dentist.

Sindhi: Doc, my tooth is paining.

Dentist: Hmm.....its rotten. Has to be uprooted.

Sindhi: How much would it cost me?

Dentist: Rs. 500.

Sindhi: Here, take this Rs. 50 and loosen it a bit. I will uproot it myself.