Re: Is anyone even NEAR anything this STUPID? (Idiot uses water to clean container. L
Might be. Got the link from another forum, and in a joke thread![[evil]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Evil.gif "Evil [evil]")
Might be. Got the link from another forum, and in a joke thread
Tickle Your Funny Bone - Jokes and Humor
- Thread Starter Auto Hub India
- Start date
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.![[:D]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Big%20Smile.gif "Big Smile [:D]")
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
3 drunk guys enterd a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"
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An Englishman visited Delhi. When he saw the Taj Mahal, he asked a normal person : "Who built this?"
The Delhite replied in Hindi, a language unknown to the Englishman: "Pata nahi, jee!" (I dunno, sir).
He then visited other tourist places. When he visited the Qutub Minar, he again asked a local: Who built this? The same reply came "Pata nahi, jee!"
This repeated many times. The Englishman was mighty impressed. Then, on his way back to his hotel, they witnessed an accident scene, where a man was no more, lying in a pool of blood waiting for police and ambulance to come. Englishman asked the taxi driver "Who died?"
Taxi driver: "Pata nahi, jee!"
Englishman: "Oh darn, he had to die now, didn't he? I wanted to meet him - ask him how did he make such magnificent buildings!"
Don't ask me why he didn't ask a guide![[roll]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Roll.gif "Roll Eyes [roll]")
Probably posted before, but here goes:
One day, a door-to-door salesman knocked on his first target house. As soon as the lady opened the door, salesman quickly gets inside and takes out a bag of cowdung and throws it all over her carpet, all in a second. He then turned to the lady and said "Ma'am, if my vacuum cleaner does not clean all this within 10 mins from now, I'll eat all this." Lady calmly replies "Do you want tomato ketchup or chutney or anything with it?"
S-man: "Why? I'll clean all this within 10 minutes."
Woman: "Good if you can but I don't have any money, not even to pay the electricity bill from the last 3 months."
One more:
Rajnikath was invited to test the new Bugatti Veyron Super Sport W16. He clocked a max speed of 370 km/h. After that, he got out of the car and started pushing it. Then he clocked a top speed of 450.5 km/h.
Two more...oops I meant another one:
Rajnikanth was invited to test another car. As soon as he saw the car, he said "Na! No!" and left. Since then, the car is known as Nano.
Do you know why India has RHD norms? Because Rajni is right handed.
Once, Rajni was driving a Fiat 1100. Due to the heat and lack of A/C, he was sweating. One drop of his sweat accidentally went into the engine oil (Don't ask how).
That is that same car we know as the Ferarri 458 Italia.
A famous basketball player approached Rajni and said "I can spin a basketball on my finger for two hours. Can you?" Rajni: "How do you think the earth spins?"
Rajni attended kindergarten in a school. Since then, we know it as the IIT.
And, in middle school, Rajni's notebooks always used to be more than complete. He decided to share some of the knowledge with the rest of the world, and donated one page of the notebook. It is called Wikipedia.
Do not say "No one is perfect" in front of Rajni, he takes it as a personal insult.
Rajni can receive a missed call.
Rajni's email address is Gmail @ rajnikanth.com
When Rajni smokes, the cigarette gets cancer.
Once Rajni donated a drop of blood to a very weak orphan. Now he his known as the Great Khali.
Rajnikanth knows:
Kaun Banega Crorepati
Who moved my cheese?
How I met your mother
When Rajni's car emits smoke, what is it known as?
Rajnigandha.![[embarass]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Embarass.gif "Embarass [embarass]")
In a high jump competition, Rajni won. Next day's newspaper's headline:
NASA declares Rajni the first man to land on the sun.
The ONLY thing Rajni cannot do is to post more than three smileys and get away with it. Yes, he may bash up the mods.
Once Newton came to Chennai. He was watching some translated Tamil films. In a film, Rajni is being chased by the villain's goon and is out of bullets. Suddenly he stops and as the goon shoots, Rajni raises his own gun and the bullet goes into Rajni's gun's barrel. He shoots, and gooney's dead.
Newton is aghast, but discounts it as a film.
In another film Rajni is being chased by three goons and has one shot in his gun and a knife. He again stops. Everybody stops. Rajni throws his knife into the air, shoots the middle goon. At the right moment, the knife lands in front of the bullet. The bullet breaks the knife in two. One piece hits the goon on the left, another hits the one on the right, and the bullet kills their boss in the middle.
Newton goes blank, comes to senses after a few moments.
He watches one last film.
The climax: There is a tall wall. On one side is the villain and on the other is Rajni, this time equipped with two guns and two bullets. He cannot climb the wall, God knows why. But he can do something else. He throws one gun in the air, and shoots its trigger with another. The midair gun fires, and the villain is dead.
And so is Newton.
And, no offence meant to the Mods and followers of Newton, Rajni, vacuum cleaners, ladies, salespersons, etc.
The Delhite replied in Hindi, a language unknown to the Englishman: "Pata nahi, jee!" (I dunno, sir).
He then visited other tourist places. When he visited the Qutub Minar, he again asked a local: Who built this? The same reply came "Pata nahi, jee!"
This repeated many times. The Englishman was mighty impressed. Then, on his way back to his hotel, they witnessed an accident scene, where a man was no more, lying in a pool of blood waiting for police and ambulance to come. Englishman asked the taxi driver "Who died?"
Taxi driver: "Pata nahi, jee!"
Englishman: "Oh darn, he had to die now, didn't he? I wanted to meet him - ask him how did he make such magnificent buildings!"
Don't ask me why he didn't ask a guide
Probably posted before, but here goes:
One day, a door-to-door salesman knocked on his first target house. As soon as the lady opened the door, salesman quickly gets inside and takes out a bag of cowdung and throws it all over her carpet, all in a second. He then turned to the lady and said "Ma'am, if my vacuum cleaner does not clean all this within 10 mins from now, I'll eat all this." Lady calmly replies "Do you want tomato ketchup or chutney or anything with it?"
S-man: "Why? I'll clean all this within 10 minutes."
Woman: "Good if you can but I don't have any money, not even to pay the electricity bill from the last 3 months."
One more:
Rajnikath was invited to test the new Bugatti Veyron Super Sport W16. He clocked a max speed of 370 km/h. After that, he got out of the car and started pushing it. Then he clocked a top speed of 450.5 km/h.
Two more...oops I meant another one:
Rajnikanth was invited to test another car. As soon as he saw the car, he said "Na! No!" and left. Since then, the car is known as Nano.
Do you know why India has RHD norms? Because Rajni is right handed.
Once, Rajni was driving a Fiat 1100. Due to the heat and lack of A/C, he was sweating. One drop of his sweat accidentally went into the engine oil (Don't ask how).
That is that same car we know as the Ferarri 458 Italia.
A famous basketball player approached Rajni and said "I can spin a basketball on my finger for two hours. Can you?" Rajni: "How do you think the earth spins?"
Rajni attended kindergarten in a school. Since then, we know it as the IIT.
And, in middle school, Rajni's notebooks always used to be more than complete. He decided to share some of the knowledge with the rest of the world, and donated one page of the notebook. It is called Wikipedia.
Do not say "No one is perfect" in front of Rajni, he takes it as a personal insult.
Rajni can receive a missed call.
Rajni's email address is Gmail @ rajnikanth.com
When Rajni smokes, the cigarette gets cancer.
Once Rajni donated a drop of blood to a very weak orphan. Now he his known as the Great Khali.
Rajnikanth knows:
Kaun Banega Crorepati
Who moved my cheese?
How I met your mother
When Rajni's car emits smoke, what is it known as?
Rajnigandha.
In a high jump competition, Rajni won. Next day's newspaper's headline:
NASA declares Rajni the first man to land on the sun.
The ONLY thing Rajni cannot do is to post more than three smileys and get away with it. Yes, he may bash up the mods.
Once Newton came to Chennai. He was watching some translated Tamil films. In a film, Rajni is being chased by the villain's goon and is out of bullets. Suddenly he stops and as the goon shoots, Rajni raises his own gun and the bullet goes into Rajni's gun's barrel. He shoots, and gooney's dead.
Newton is aghast, but discounts it as a film.
In another film Rajni is being chased by three goons and has one shot in his gun and a knife. He again stops. Everybody stops. Rajni throws his knife into the air, shoots the middle goon. At the right moment, the knife lands in front of the bullet. The bullet breaks the knife in two. One piece hits the goon on the left, another hits the one on the right, and the bullet kills their boss in the middle.
Newton goes blank, comes to senses after a few moments.
He watches one last film.
The climax: There is a tall wall. On one side is the villain and on the other is Rajni, this time equipped with two guns and two bullets. He cannot climb the wall, God knows why. But he can do something else. He throws one gun in the air, and shoots its trigger with another. The midair gun fires, and the villain is dead.
And so is Newton.
And, no offence meant to the Mods and followers of Newton, Rajni, vacuum cleaners, ladies, salespersons, etc.
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I hope this is not posted before and not racist.
Letter from Arab guy in Berlin to his family:
"Dear father,
Everything here is fine. I like the glamour of the city. Everything is so great, I do my homework, I got an A+, have a lot of friends. I could spend my whole life like this. But, sometimes I feel ashamed. You know, all my friends and some teachers come by train and bus, so I'm ashamed to take our gold-plated Rolls-Royce Phantom to school. Apart from that, everything is great.
Love you!"
Reply:
"Son,
We will talk about other things later. Right now don't bring disgrace to our family. Go and buy a train."
Once upon a time (Oh god, not again), there lived a very simple guy with his parents. He did not use any bad words and did not have any addictions. But, tragedy struck and his parents died in an accident. He had a good job so he needn't worry about money, but the loneliness was killing him. So he went to the pet shop, bought a talking parrot. As soon as he reached home, the parrot started using very bad words "Your house is *$%#^*% small!" etc. The guy was disgusted and disappointed. He told the parrot not to say that. But the parrot didn't listen. So "John" kept the parrot in the cabinet and continued with his work. When John opened the cabinet, he again started hearing these bad words. For the first or second time in his life, he got angry and shut the parrot in the freezer. After half a min or so, the swearing stopped. Fearing that he killed the parrot, John took him out. He looked too afraid. Then the parrot started reciting the Bible.
John:"Why the sudden change of heart?"
Parrot:"Nothing, I just felt what I saying should not be said."
John:"Oh."
Parrot:"If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
One day, a boy says to his female classmate "Red Roses".
The girl slapped him and told the teacher. She came to the boy, and asked him what did he say to the girl. The boy replies "Red Roses, nothing more." The teacher gets furious, punches him and sends him for the Principal. The principal listens to the whole story, and at the last asks "What did you say to her again?" "I do not understand why saying Red Roses offended her so much" said the boy. The principal is furious, kicks him black and blue, and out of the school, thrown he is. With a confused mind the boy boards the bus bound for his house. The driver next to him asks "Hey, how are you?" The boy replies: "I do not know what went wrong when I said Red Roses to that girl. Such an idiot." The driver and conductor beat him up, and throw him out of the bus. With a sore body, he now is walking home, when a kind biker offers a lift. "Hey little fella, need some help?" The boy says "I could do with some" and they set off.
Biker: "Why didn't you take the bus?"
Boy: "Nah, everyone is angry with me because I" He narrates the whole story "...Red Roses" The biker throws him off the bike, slaps him, and drives over his feet. Somehow the boy gets home and mother said "Why were you so late? Were there extra classes in school?" The boy breaks down and narrates the whole story. Mother asked "What did you say to her?" "All I said was Red Roses." Now with the addition in pain with a sore bum and a really bruised ego, the boy sat in his room. Now his father comes home. He is narrated the whole story by the boy's mother. Dad comes to console the boy. He asks "What did you say to that girl?" The boy replies "If the idiot knows the meaning, I said Red Roses.". The 16 year old is thrown out of the house after he is beaten with every household object possible. But he was not going to give up so easy. Within a few days, he was a daily wage laborer at a fuel bunk. After three-four weeks, the owner asks "Why do you work here? You have a mommy and daddy, don't you?" The boy replies "I had, until..." This time, with all the burnt engine oil over his clothes and a beating of 5 people, he sat in a bus with a humble 10 dollars, trying to go to an orphanage. The granny sitting beside him asked "Why are you like this?" The boy then narrates the whole story and the granny gets violent. Beating him up, he gets up, and runs for it. He stepped out of a moving bus, fell down, run over by a lorry killing him instantly.
Moral of the story: Do not step out of a moving vehicle, look both sides before crossing a road, and the most important: Read the moral of the story before the story itself
Mods, please remove the big old boring story if inappropriate, I do not know the meaning of Red Roses
Letter from Arab guy in Berlin to his family:
"Dear father,
Everything here is fine. I like the glamour of the city. Everything is so great, I do my homework, I got an A+, have a lot of friends. I could spend my whole life like this. But, sometimes I feel ashamed. You know, all my friends and some teachers come by train and bus, so I'm ashamed to take our gold-plated Rolls-Royce Phantom to school. Apart from that, everything is great.
Love you!"
Reply:
"Son,
We will talk about other things later. Right now don't bring disgrace to our family. Go and buy a train."
Once upon a time (Oh god, not again), there lived a very simple guy with his parents. He did not use any bad words and did not have any addictions. But, tragedy struck and his parents died in an accident. He had a good job so he needn't worry about money, but the loneliness was killing him. So he went to the pet shop, bought a talking parrot. As soon as he reached home, the parrot started using very bad words "Your house is *$%#^*% small!" etc. The guy was disgusted and disappointed. He told the parrot not to say that. But the parrot didn't listen. So "John" kept the parrot in the cabinet and continued with his work. When John opened the cabinet, he again started hearing these bad words. For the first or second time in his life, he got angry and shut the parrot in the freezer. After half a min or so, the swearing stopped. Fearing that he killed the parrot, John took him out. He looked too afraid. Then the parrot started reciting the Bible.
John:"Why the sudden change of heart?"
Parrot:"Nothing, I just felt what I saying should not be said."
John:"Oh."
Parrot:"If I may ask, what did the chicken do?"
One day, a boy says to his female classmate "Red Roses".
The girl slapped him and told the teacher. She came to the boy, and asked him what did he say to the girl. The boy replies "Red Roses, nothing more." The teacher gets furious, punches him and sends him for the Principal. The principal listens to the whole story, and at the last asks "What did you say to her again?" "I do not understand why saying Red Roses offended her so much" said the boy. The principal is furious, kicks him black and blue, and out of the school, thrown he is. With a confused mind the boy boards the bus bound for his house. The driver next to him asks "Hey, how are you?" The boy replies: "I do not know what went wrong when I said Red Roses to that girl. Such an idiot." The driver and conductor beat him up, and throw him out of the bus. With a sore body, he now is walking home, when a kind biker offers a lift. "Hey little fella, need some help?" The boy says "I could do with some" and they set off.
Biker: "Why didn't you take the bus?"
Boy: "Nah, everyone is angry with me because I" He narrates the whole story "...Red Roses" The biker throws him off the bike, slaps him, and drives over his feet. Somehow the boy gets home and mother said "Why were you so late? Were there extra classes in school?" The boy breaks down and narrates the whole story. Mother asked "What did you say to her?" "All I said was Red Roses." Now with the addition in pain with a sore bum and a really bruised ego, the boy sat in his room. Now his father comes home. He is narrated the whole story by the boy's mother. Dad comes to console the boy. He asks "What did you say to that girl?" The boy replies "If the idiot knows the meaning, I said Red Roses.". The 16 year old is thrown out of the house after he is beaten with every household object possible. But he was not going to give up so easy. Within a few days, he was a daily wage laborer at a fuel bunk. After three-four weeks, the owner asks "Why do you work here? You have a mommy and daddy, don't you?" The boy replies "I had, until..." This time, with all the burnt engine oil over his clothes and a beating of 5 people, he sat in a bus with a humble 10 dollars, trying to go to an orphanage. The granny sitting beside him asked "Why are you like this?" The boy then narrates the whole story and the granny gets violent. Beating him up, he gets up, and runs for it. He stepped out of a moving bus, fell down, run over by a lorry killing him instantly.
Moral of the story: Do not step out of a moving vehicle, look both sides before crossing a road, and the most important: Read the moral of the story before the story itself
Mods, please remove the big old boring story if inappropriate, I do not know the meaning of Red Roses
What are the 5 symptoms of laziness?
1.
1.
Okay, sorry the Rajni-Newton joke was a repost.
Most probably this is one too. But this is guaranteed to make those whom Skoda have mistreated. Here goes:
Have you heard about the quad-turbo Skoda?
It has paddles in the rear too!
Why do all Skodas have heated rear windows?
To keep the hands of those who are pushing it, warm.
How do you make a Skoda disappear?
Spray it with a rust-remover.
In my neighborhood, there was a competition. The first prize was a Skoda.
...the second prize were two Skodas!
Once, a Skoda was stolen. Next day, the paper had an interesting article:
You thief who stole my Skoda (XY-12-Z-3456),
keep the Skoda, but tell me how you started it!
--End of Skoda--
A dog thinks: The humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me. They must be gods!
A cat thinks: These humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me. I must be a god!
A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet?
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them
Christ, I'm never gonna marry
Boy- Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl- Do you want me to leave?
Boy- NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl- Do you love me?
Boy- Of course! Over and over!
Girl- Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy- NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl- Will you kiss me?
Boy- Every chance I get!
Girl- Will you hit me?
Boy- Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl- Can I trust you?
Boy- Yes.
Girl- Darling!!!
- - - After marriage - - -
Read from bottom to top!!!
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
"Bin Laden lived in this compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for 6 years. So he did suffer." –David Letterman
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The
driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the
shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large
flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60
Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and
says, ''You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'
The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'
The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'
The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'
The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'
'How did you know?' asks the young man.
'Very simple,' answers the shepherd. 'Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business..... Now can I have my dog back?
1 I need to tell you something. Look at point 5
2 The answer is look at point 11
3 Don't get mad look at point 15
4 Calm down look at point 13
5 First look at point 2
6 Don't be that angry look at point 12
7 I just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and that I know I'm awesome
8 What I wanted to tell you is on point 14
9 Be patient look at point 4
10 This is the last time I'm going to do this, look at point 7
11 Now look at point 6
12 Sorry look at point 8
13 Don't get mad look at point 10
14 I don't know how to say this look at point 3
15 You must be reallly mad, but look at point 9
Want to hear the joke about the broken pencil?
.
.
.
.
.
Nevermind, it's pointless.
An Indian goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at
special prices.
He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious.
He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed
cat food to his kids.
He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.
The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He
thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will
probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him
the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Indian goes home and
returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
The following week the Indian comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks
the manager to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Indian,
"What the hell ! This is what we excrete, you Idiot !"
The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?
Missing Rajni jokes?
How did Graham Bell spill the chemical on himself?
He was trying to answer a call from Rajnikanth.
Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Do you know why we won the world cup?
Just scroll down to see the horror
.
..
virendeR shewag
sachin tendulkAr
yuvraJ singh
gautAm gambhir
yusuf pathaN
ms dhonI
virat Kohli
harbhAjan singh
zaheer khaN
s sreesanTh
r asHwin
Of course, read the capital letter of each surname. You should get it by now.
NOKIA is planning to launch Rajnikanth "R" series mobile in 2012.
Features:-
*20 sims compatible.
*1 year battery backup
*1TB memory
*1000 mega pixels camera
*TV
*oven
*Washing Machine
*Fridge
*AC
*Mini Rocket launcher
*Mini AK47
and a new special feature 24G which is better than 3G, In this mobile you can meet the person and talk directly.
No offence to no one
EDIT: Do you know why dinosaurs vanished? See attachment. Make sure you update your calender.
Most probably this is one too. But this is guaranteed to make those whom Skoda have mistreated
. Here goes:Have you heard about the quad-turbo Skoda?
It has paddles in the rear too!
Why do all Skodas have heated rear windows?
To keep the hands of those who are pushing it, warm.
How do you make a Skoda disappear?
Spray it with a rust-remover.
In my neighborhood, there was a competition. The first prize was a Skoda.
...the second prize were two Skodas!
Once, a Skoda was stolen. Next day, the paper had an interesting article:
You thief who stole my Skoda (XY-12-Z-3456),
keep the Skoda, but tell me how you started it!
--End of Skoda--
A dog thinks: The humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me. They must be gods!
A cat thinks: These humans feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me. I must be a god!
A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office ready to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started screaming hysterically. Her Lexus, which she had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can't believe how materialistic you women are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the woman.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"OH MY GOD!" screamed the woman. "Where's my new bracelet?
The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the
background checks, interviews and testing were done, there
were 3 finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test,
the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door
and handed him a gun. ‘We must know that you will
follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair
. . . Kill her!!’ The man said, ‘You can’t be
serious. I could never shoot my wife.’ The agent said,
‘Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take
your wife and go home.’
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5
minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, ‘I
tried, but I can’t kill my wife.’ The agent said,
‘You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife home.
Finally, it was the woman’s turn. She was given the
same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun
and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after
another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the
walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened
slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow. ‘This gun is loaded with blanks’ she said.
‘I had to beat him to death with the chair.’
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don’t mess with them
Christ, I'm never gonna marry
Boy- Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl- Do you want me to leave?
Boy- NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl- Do you love me?
Boy- Of course! Over and over!
Girl- Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy- NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl- Will you kiss me?
Boy- Every chance I get!
Girl- Will you hit me?
Boy- Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl- Can I trust you?
Boy- Yes.
Girl- Darling!!!
- - - After marriage - - -
Read from bottom to top!!!
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: it was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in
three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a
romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home
he lit the candles around the house and afterwards talked for an hour.
It was like a fairytale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.
Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell
asleep. It was great! What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because
they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to
take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have
money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when
we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light
candles all over the house! After all, I was so aggravated that I
couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!
"Bin Laden lived in this compound in Pakistan with all of his wives for 6 years. So he did suffer." –David Letterman
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The
driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the
shepherd, 'If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?' The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large
flock of grazing sheep and replies, 'Okay.'
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60
Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and
says, ''You have exactly 1,586 sheep.'
The shepherd cheers, 'That's correct, you can have your sheep.'
The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche.
The shepherd looks at him and asks, 'If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?'
The young man answers, 'Yes, why not?'
The shepherd says, 'You are an auditor.'
'How did you know?' asks the young man.
'Very simple,' answers the shepherd. 'Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business..... Now can I have my dog back?
1 I need to tell you something. Look at point 5
2 The answer is look at point 11
3 Don't get mad look at point 15
4 Calm down look at point 13
5 First look at point 2
6 Don't be that angry look at point 12
7 I just wanted to say that you just wasted your time and that I know I'm awesome
8 What I wanted to tell you is on point 14
9 Be patient look at point 4
10 This is the last time I'm going to do this, look at point 7
11 Now look at point 6
12 Sorry look at point 8
13 Don't get mad look at point 10
14 I don't know how to say this look at point 3
15 You must be reallly mad, but look at point 9
Want to hear the joke about the broken pencil?
.
.
.
.
.
Nevermind, it's pointless.
An Indian goes to Woolworth's in Australia. He finds cat food at
special prices.
He picks a dozen cans of cat food and goes to check out.
The Manager gets suspicious.
He thinks that this guy might not have a cat and will probably feed
cat food to his kids.
He asks the Indian to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.
The Indian goes home and returns with a cat and gets to buy the cat food.
Next week the Indian finds dog food at special prices. He picks a dozen
cans of dog food and goes to check out. The Manager again gets suspicious. He
thinks that this guy may have a cat but he cannot have a dog and he will
probably feed dog food to his kids. He asks the Indian to bring and show him
the dog before he can let him have dog food. The Indian goes home and
returns with a dog. He gets to buy the dog food.
The following week the Indian comes to Woolworth's with a bag. He asks
the manager to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager puts his hand in the bag, feels some thing slimy and
immediately pulls it out. He shouts at the Indian,
"What the hell ! This is what we excrete, you Idiot !"
The Indian calmly replies, "Yes, now may I buy some toilet paper?
Missing Rajni jokes?
How did Graham Bell spill the chemical on himself?
He was trying to answer a call from Rajnikanth.
Rajinikanth once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Do you know why we won the world cup?
Just scroll down to see the horror
.
..
virendeR shewag
sachin tendulkAr
yuvraJ singh
gautAm gambhir
yusuf pathaN
ms dhonI
virat Kohli
harbhAjan singh
zaheer khaN
s sreesanTh
r asHwin
Of course, read the capital letter of each surname. You should get it by now.
NOKIA is planning to launch Rajnikanth "R" series mobile in 2012.
Features:-
*20 sims compatible.
*1 year battery backup
*1TB memory
*1000 mega pixels camera
*TV
*oven
*Washing Machine
*Fridge
*AC
*Mini Rocket launcher
*Mini AK47
and a new special feature 24G which is better than 3G, In this mobile you can meet the person and talk directly.
No offence to no one
EDIT: Do you know why dinosaurs vanished? See attachment. Make sure you update your calender.
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"I luv walking in the rain, so that no one can see my tears..!" - This is old one..
_
"I luv walking in the fog, so that no one can see me smoking..!" - This is new one..
_
Want to know what the latest version is..?
"I luv walking, in all the seasons, because cost of petrol now is Rs.70 per litre..!"
I dunno why I find Rajni jokes funny when not a molecule is funny. Like this:
"Dear Harry Potter,
If it took me 8 damn movies to defeat one lame bald villain, I'd give people their money back!
Yours' truly,
Rajnikant"
_
"I luv walking in the fog, so that no one can see me smoking..!" - This is new one..
_
Want to know what the latest version is..?
"I luv walking, in all the seasons, because cost of petrol now is Rs.70 per litre..!"
I dunno why I find Rajni jokes funny when not a molecule is funny. Like this:
"Dear Harry Potter,
If it took me 8 damn movies to defeat one lame bald villain, I'd give people their money back!
Yours' truly,
Rajnikant"
I luv walking in the rain, so that no one can see my tears..!" - This is old one..
_
"I luv walking in the fog, so that no one can see me smoking..!" - This is new one..
_
I love walking because petrol is close to 80 Rs a litre and I cant afford it.
This is the latest one.
The latest one wasn't so latest was it?
just copied and pasted it.![[glasses]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Glasses.gif "Glasses [glasses]")
Rajni one-liner:
When God himself is shocked, he exclaims "Oh my Rajnikanth!!!"!
just copied and pasted it.Rajni one-liner:
When God himself is shocked, he exclaims "Oh my Rajnikanth!!!"!
Is this a joke? I guess not.
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Search Google for "Do a barrel roll". I was aghast!![[clap]](https://www.theautomotiveindia.com/forums/images/smilies/Clap.gif "Clap [clap]")
(You can do this in front of your parents/kids, it's not dirty trust me.)
Can you tell me why did they buy such relevant items with Raone?
No offence meant to anybody. Mods, if inappropriate please remove.
(You can do this in front of your parents/kids, it's not dirty trust me.)Can you tell me why did they buy such relevant items with Raone?
No offence meant to anybody. Mods, if inappropriate please remove.
Attachments
Well just when I saw it again, I found out that one of the buyers has written a suicide note in the form of a review
